i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
