ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
