TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
