Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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