Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The air was thick with penises
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
