She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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