her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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