Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
