I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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