Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
