By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
