I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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