In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
