How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
