wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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