Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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