Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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