so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
