I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
