I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
