when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
