If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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