i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
