I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
