so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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