The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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