Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
