he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
