matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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