Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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