dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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