youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
