Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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