i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
