I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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