wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
