Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
