she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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