I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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