I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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