I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
