I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
