ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
