we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
