you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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