I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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