High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You made out with two different species that night
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
