Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
can u get pink eye on your cock?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
