sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
