took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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