Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
